


The Final Letters of Warden Commander Surana

by Eliizabethx



Series: Last Letters - AU [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Letters, Letters from the Grave, Loss, Lost Love, The Calling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-06 22:24:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4238808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eliizabethx/pseuds/Eliizabethx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Enclosed within are six letters written by the Commander, shortly -we suspect- before her last stand against the Darkspawn. These letters were found by Legion scouts, on the body of Warden Commander Surana. We trust that they will find they're way to the people they were meant for.</p><p>The Legion salutes the fallen Commander, our scouts say she fought bravely and furiously to the very end. As befits the mighty Hero of Ferelden.<br/>We raise our glasses in salute to our fallen sister and keep vigil over her body until a Warden can come to take her home.</p><p>-Legionnaire Kardol"</p><p>A collection of letters written by the late Sadie Surana, a Commander of the Grey and Hero of Ferelden.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Letter to A Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A group of letters is found on the corpse of a blonde elven woman in Warden robes.  
> There is a staff laying near, and the woman is clutching a bloodied dagger in her hand.
> 
> This letter was the first in the bunch, addressed simply as "To A Stranger".

To whomever may be reading this,

 

My name is Sadie Surana and I am -or rather was, Commander of the Grey of Ferelden.  
I was dubbed Hero of Ferelden in 9:31 Dragon, when the Fifth Blight was ended by the slaying of the Archdemon at the Battle of Denerim.

I embarked on my Calling in 9:45 Dragon at the age of 35 -nearly 36 winters, and have written this letter and the ones that follow,  
I believe, five weeks since entering the Deep Roads.

The letters that follow are various in nature but I would request that you send them to the Amaranthine Grey Warden Keep  
(if it still stands), or any other Warden base really.  
You would have my immense gratitude if you did, though I am well aware that the gratitude of a dead woman is worth little.  
In which case, should you bring these letters where I ask I can guarantee that you will be well compensated for the trouble.

I care little if you read them, stranger. I would not be in position to object even if I did though,  
all I care is that they remain intact as best as can be managed.

My hope is that these letters will have been found on my body, and if that is the case I do not care what happens to it.  
Leave it, bury it, burn it, return it if you are of the mind. If they are not found with it then you need not worry for trying to find it.  
It had no other valuables besides these letters.

  
    -Warden Commander Surana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Legionnaire scout that has found the Commander takes the letters, her staff, and removes the pendant around her neck which appears to be filled with blood.
> 
> He returns to his camp to report to his leader, whom writes a letter of his own and sends off a messenger with it and the things removed from the Commander.


	2. A Letter to the First Warden

To the First Warden of Thedas,

  
This is my official letter of recommendation in reference to the impending  
need to appoint a new Commander of the Grey of Ferelden.

My recommendation is for Nathaniel Howe to take up my post as Commander of the Grey.  
It is my belief that he would be the best canidate for the position,  
but of course the final choice is with you. Should you accept my recommendation,  
and should Ser Howe accept the position,  
I have no doubt that he will do the best possible for the Grey Wardens of Ferelden.

  
With that I give my thanks for making me Commander to begin with,  
it was truly rewarding and I would not have done anything differently or traded it for the world.

Thank you again for the opportunity.

   With deepest regards,  
           -Commander Surana, soon to be former, Hero of Ferelden.


	3. A Last Letter to Zevran Arainai

My dearest Zev,

 

You once told me that you would follow me to the gates of the Black City itself,  
and that is why I didn’t tell you, why I couldn’t tell you.  
Because I knew you would follow me, and I’m so sorry my love, but this was someplace you can’t follow me.  
I didn’t tell Nate either, but I suspect that he might have known something was wrong, that is why I left so abruptly…  
I had hoped I might be able to find something, anything that would give me more time with all of you, but I couldn’t, I’m sorry.

I know you would not hear most of the reasons I might give for making the choices that I did,  
but I know you will hear this one and perhaps in time you will even come to accept it.  
Some day Nate will have to follow the path I am on, and you need to be there for Daniel.  
You are too clever to die by anything other than old age, and I am counting on that being the case,  
Daniel will need you more than ever after Nathaniel and I are gone.  
He will need someone to be there to help him grow, to see him live and learn, and lead his own life. I know you will.

Don’t let this be what makes you stop living, you are so much stronger than you know,  
and I know that may sound silly and empty under the circumstances but it is true.  
I’ve always thought so, you put on an air of mystery and sex-appeal, trying to hide your weak spots,  
but you never seemed to realize that those weak spots are what made you so strong.  
So please, don’t dwell on this as we both knew that it was long coming.  
Don’t use this as an excuse to stop… Remember our love, but don’t let it loom over you, don’t make me the shadow that never leaves you.  
Remember our happy times, but don’t let them cloud your future memories.  
Do whatever you need to move on from me and live a happy life with Daniel.  
Grieve, rage, cry, take our son and go far away from it all… Start the life with our son that you always deserved,  
the one that I just couldn’t give you.

 

Te amo, mi dulce asesino. Con todo lo que está en mí, siempre.  
              -Sadie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation- “I love you, my sweet assassin. With all that’s in me, always.”


	4. A Last Letter to Nathaniel Howe

Dearest Nathaniel,

 

Thinking back on how we met and then what’s become of us since then, it brings a smile to my face.  
The fact that I was so lucky as to find two wonderful men to care about me, just astounds me.  
I am so grateful that I’ve had the chance to not only know and befriend you, but to also love you.

I will not say goodbye because I know I will see you again,  
but I will say that I love you and that I am sorry for not telling you my time was up.  
I think we both knew though, perhaps you were not ready to acknowledge it,  
but I’m afraid I’m going to make you do so now love. I know you’ll be there for Daniel,  
but please love, don’t distant yourself from him because of knowing that someday you’ll follow me into the Deep.  
It will not make leaving him any easier, believe me, it will only cause the both of you more pain.

I could fill this letter with thousands of pretty sentimental things,  
but I know they would make little difference to you. I hope you know how much I cherish the time we’ve had together,  
it was a blessing I had not been expecting and I thank the Maker and Andraste,  
and whoever else played a hand in it.

I hope you will forgive me for the abrupt promotion,  
I know it is not a position you wanted but I could think of no one I would rather have leading them.  
Oghren will become your Second until you appoint your own, though that’s not required,  
you can choose Oghren as your own Second if you rather. The choice will be yours,  
as will the choice of whether or not you take up the position of Warden Commander.  
So please don’t feel obligated to take the position on my behalf.

I love you more than I ever could have anticipated, and I’m so pleased things worked between us as they did.  
Though if I’m honest I would still be grateful if we had remained only as friends.  
Please look after our son, though I know you will regardless, and I would ask that you check on Zevran from time to time as well.  
I worry for him as I do all of you.

 

   I love you Nathaniel Howe, I know it still surprises you.  
           -Sadie


	5. "To My Companions"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of goodbyes left for the Hero's friends and companions.

    To the Warden Alistair Theirin,

I would call you friend, though I am uncertain if you would feel the same.  
I know you did not always agree with my choices and decisions, but I hope you know that I held no ill-will for you,  
though I feel you may not have said the same at times.

I still deeply regret what happened, after everything you went through,  
and the things I did to prevent either of us from dying that day...  
I hadn't even considered the fact that darkspawn themselves could still...  
Well, I suppose it really makes no difference now, what I had or hadn't thought, does it?

I know there is no way of this letter reaching you, but I still hope that wherever you are, be it with the Maker or otherwise,  
I hope you are still able to read this.

... I sometimes wonder what you would have thought about my being made Commander.  
Would you have been angry, perhaps thinking I would try and take his place? It is perhaps foolish, but I hope not.  
I have tried my best to be a good leader, to be a leader you would have been happier to follow,  
to be a leader Duncan would have been pleased with.

I don't know if I acomplished that, but I do hope so... Perhaps I will be able to ask you soon.  
I always thought you were a very kind and good man, I regret that we could not make peace with eachother's differences  
and be at least something akin to friends, I have always deeply respected you.

  
    Sincerely,  
           -Sadie Surana

* * *

 

  
   To the Lady Morrigan,

I know you and I were not particularly close, I know you thought me naïve and too trusting.  
But I still thank you for all you did for me and our companions,  
you were a priceless ally and I am incredibly grateful and honored that I am able to count you amongst my companions...  
I'm sure you will think me foolish for that as well, and know that I write those words fondly with a smile on my face.

  
    Sincerely,  
           -Sadie Surana

* * *

 

   To Leliana,

I'd like to thank you for all the wonderful stories you shared with me,  
I know we had our differences and that we were not particularly close,  
but I truly appreciate the kindness you showed me during those days of traveling.

I hope you don't mind, but I passed along some of your tales to my son, Daniel,  
whom adored them (especially the one about the chevalier that was raised by a Dalish clan, I must have told him that story over a hundred times).  
I recall those stories now and think of nights spent sitting next to a campfire under the stars,  
and of times laying beside my Daniel in his bed as he listened to your tales with wide eyes and an innocent face...

I miss those times now, very much in fact.

  
    Sincerely,  
           -Sadie Surana

* * *

 

  
   To Sten, or should I call you the Arishok? ... I suppose it doesn't really matter now, does it?

I am still surprised by the friendship that bloomed between us, but I am happy that it did,  
you are a wonderful friend that I am grateful to have, though you may think the sentiment silly and unnecessary.

I know you thought me strange and backwards when we met, and I know you thought that for sometime.  
I will admit that I was quite unsure of you in the begining, as I'm certain you were of me as well...  
We went through several bouts of avoidance I recall, but I'm glad we were able to move on and understand eachother a bit better.  
I am honored to be able to count you amongst my friends.

  
And thank you again for having offered to show me Seheron, I regret now that I did not take you up on that offer.

    With warmth and fondness,  
     -Sadie

Post script,  
      You must make a brilliant Arishok, I am glad I will not see the day that the Qun fully blooms with your assistance,  
it pained me to think of the day I might be stood across from you my friend.

* * *

 

 

 To Wynne,

Your advice and wisdom was priceless, I am immensely grateful that I was able to travel with you.

I hope I will be able to see you soon, I have missed you. Even when I made mistakes you were there to help guide me.  
I can never thank you enough for all the help you offered me, but thank you nonetheless.

  
    With regards,  
     -Sadie Surana

* * *

 

  
   Dearest Shale,

I regret I could not see you one last time my friend, but alas, I am not even entirely sure where you are...  
I'm not even entirely sure where I am for that matter. Somewhere in the Deep Roads obviously but other than that.

I don't have much longer I feel, but I wanted to make sure I left something for everyone, you know how I am.  
I changed the Wardens -hopefully for the better- so that they were not so isolated, and I will not leave those I care for with nothing.  
Unfortunately, this is the most I can give, I hope it will be enough.

I wish I could have introduced you to Nathaniel, and my sweet Daniel... I hope you will still be able to meet them eventually.  
Oh, Daniel will adore you I know it, just as I do. Don't let Nathaniel fool you, he appears surly and unapproachable but he's a kind, sweet man.

... I miss them already, I miss them and I miss all of you. Foolish, I know... But I do.

  
    I love you my dear friend,  
     -Sadie

* * *

 

  Dear Oghren,

I don't have long now, I can tell... Long enough to finish my letters, but not much more.  
I am so tired, but I know I haven't much longer to wait until I can finally rest.

I feel so honored to have been able to know and befriend you Oghren... You were honestly one of my most treasured friends.  
It meant so much that you asked to come with me, more than you can know dear friend, but I needed you to be there for them.  
I trust you with my life Oghren, and that's what I've done, entrusted you with my life.  
Thank you for that, I can never truly thank you enough my friend.

Meeting you was the highlight of Orzammar, and I still say that they were fools to have dismissed you.

But, know this my friend, if you try and give my son that swill of yours before he's of age, I promise I will come back and haunt you.  
He may be my son but he is also Zevran and Nathaniel's, and neither of them had any endurance for the stuff.  
As much as I love you Oghren, I will not have you poisoning my son.

Please look after them all, but look after yourself as well.

  
    I hope I will see you again some day,  
     -Sadie

* * *

 

  
   To my dear friends, Anders and Justice,

I haven't the faintest idea where the two of you are, or if you're even alive,  
but I pray -as foolish as I know you'd think it Anders- that you are both well.

I still laugh when I think about how we met Anders. Even then you were a cocky bastard,  
standing over dead Templars and Darkspawn alike, haughty as could be...  
I hope you appreciate the fact that I am sitting in the Deep Roads with my mind fuzzy from the Calling and yet I am chuckling to myself,  
all because I'm reminiscing about you and your wonderful self. I always did admire that about you... Your tenacity.

I hope you know how much I adore you, I love you like a brother, and I do mean that you know, I've always been the sentimental sort,  
if you remember.

  
Justice... Maker, the way we met couldn't have been any more outlandish and absurd.  
But I am incredibly thankful that we did, you were a true and remarkable friend Justice.  
I still can't believe that with everything that was going on, I managed to make such wonderful friends, and meet so many amazing people.  
I'm glad to count you amongst those people.

  
I feel very lucky indeed to have known you, both of you... I wish I could have seen you one more time, before I...  
Never mind that, it really doesn't matter now, it's a bit too late for thoughts like that after all.

I just wanted you both to know that I love you and count you amongst my family still... I have missed you both very much over the years,  
but the stories of your exploits have given me a bit of comfort that you are both accomplishing what you had set out for.

I hope you've both found a little happiness and satisfaction...

  
    I love you both, please take care of yourselves.  
     -Your Captain  
  


Post script,  
    I wish I had been able to meet her. From the stories I have heard she sounds like an adventure in herself...  
She sounds wonderful and exciting, I'm glad you've found that Ande, you deserve a pretty girl at the least.  
But, from what I've heard, it sounds as though you're awfully close to having the right to shoot lightning at fools as well,  
so maybe you will get everything you asked for.

Post post script,  
    I never had the chance to tell you, but I somehow got pregnant about four years after everything in Amaranthine.  
I gave birth to a healthy baby boy, we named him Daniel Anders Surana. Zev and Nate were thrilled when I told them,  
but to this day I am still not sure which of them made him a reality, because he looks like both of them! It's absurd, and confusing, but I adore him.  
I never thought I could be a decent mother, especially after what happened, but I think I did rather well, all things considered...

I hope you'll have the chance to meet him one day, I've told him so many stories about you,  
he already adores you and I know he'd love Justice too. I hope you'll think about it, trying to meet him.

* * *

 

   Dearest Sigrun,

...

Well, I find myself sitting here, trying to think of something to write to you, but honestly I can't.  
What can I possibly say to someone whom already knows so much about death. I suppose nothing really,  
but I do hope you'll appreciate the attempt my friend.

I've found myself thinking about the Legion recently, and what it really must be like. You spoke about it sometimes,  
but it still seems hard to wrap my head around... Though I suppose that last bit could have more to do with my current state,  
over the difficulty of the subject itself.

Ah well, neither here nor there. I found something down here that I thought you might like,  
hopefully it will be sent along with this, but if not just disregard this bit here.

  
I never did thank you for following me on those mad adventures.  
I must admit, I had fun traveling with you even when the adventures were not particularly exciting.

I know you are disappointed we did not find anything, I am as well.  
But I hope you won't let it consume you, we did all we could, that is what counts.  
I have faith that some day someone will do what we could not, and when that day comes it will have been worth it.

    Much love,  
                 -Sadie ♥  
  


[ _Attached to this portion of the letter is a strange medallion of what appears to be some type of metal and a large round emerald fitted into the center. There is what you think to be dwarven carving or runes around the edges of the metal surrounding the medallion. It is lovely and old, and looks as though it was once warn as a talisman._ ]

* * *

 

  
   To Velanna of the Dalish and Grey Wardens,

You and I were not close, nor were we particularly friendly, but I still thank you for all you've done.  
I cannot deny your loyalty, nor can I deny that you keep your word.

I hope you can restore some of the history you lost, and make the future you wanted for the People.  
If anything, your determination will only help with that goal.

I wish you good luck.

    Sincerely,  
           -Commander Sadie Surana

* * *

 

  
   To likely my best and most loyal of companions and friends,

I know you wish I had brought you with me, but you also know that I need you there to look after Nathaniel and Daniel (and Zevran).  
Dear one, it was my time not yours. You still have many years left, and I wouldn't see them spent down here in the dark.

Please don't be too mad with me, you know I left you because I love you too much for this fate.  
But I have no doubt I'll see you again, you know I would never leave you for too long.  
  
    Be a good boy while I'm gone, I love you.  
     ♥-Sadie

Post script,  
    I left something with Sigrun, she should give it to you once you've received this letter, if she hasn't already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Yes, that last one was for the dog.  
> The thing she left for him was a carved leather collar with wolves running it's length, with one empty space with his name at the top of the space, and the inscription "Fearless and Faithful Companion of Warden Commander Surana" on the bottom.]


	6. A Letter for Daniel

To my sweet Daniel,

You know that I love you darling, with everything in me.  
Never forget that my sweet boy.

Do you remember when we talked about what my being a Grey Warden meant?  
Do you remember when I told you about the trip I would have to take eventually?  
I'm afraid the time for that trip has come darling, and that's where I've gone.

I know you'll be sad and that you won't fully understand, but I hope you'll forgive me for leaving you eventually.  
I hope you know that if there had been any way to prevent this I would still be with you, but I searched and I could not find a way.  
I'm sorry sweetheart.

  
I left you a little present, in our secret place, for when you're feeling sad or when you need me.

  
I'm sorry this letter isn't longer darling, but I promise we will see each other again someday.

  
    Be safe my sweet, I love you always.  
                 -Mum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daniel's present was a book of the stories Sadie had told him over the years, and she had enchanted it so that whenever he opened it he would feel her presence and essence wrap around him like a blanket.


	7. A Letter for Cullen Rutherford

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonus Chapter/Letter: Sadie and Cullen were once lovers in the Circle, but after the events of the Broken Circle quest... Well..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for sure my last letter in this series, so thank you for reading~! Every time I saw I had another Kudos I got really excited and couldn't stop smiling, so thanks for that as well. ^^
> 
> Also, just to let you all know, this isn't actually Sadie's canon. This was totally and completely just some cathartic angst on my part.

Dear Cullen,

I'm honestly not certain whether this letter will be appreciated or not, but I wanted to write it anyway.

  
You and I didn't exactly part on the best of terms or circumstances, but I wanted you to know that I don't resent you for it,  
I never have. I don't know if you'll even care, but it's weighed on me over the years, and I thought you should know.

  
Perhaps this is just the chaotic mind of someone that's likely going mad, but... I don't regret us.  
You probably don't feel the same, but I wanted you to know that I still care.  
You were my first love after all, I would be hard-pressed to say I didn't care.

I must admit, that I consider our time together as the best of my memories in the Circle.

  
I suppose I haven't really anything else to say... I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry,  
and I hope one day perhaps you'll forgive me as well.

  
Thank you for everything Cullen, I hope you've found some peace and happiness in your life.

    With regards,  
         -Sadie

Post script,  
    I thought you should have this back. It's served me well over the years, but I really have no need for it anymore.  
I never did thank you for it, did I?

  
[ _Included in the letter is a golden colored Andrastian amulet on a similarly colored chain._ ]


End file.
